Mother’s Day is everywhere this time of year — brunch promos, curated gift guides, heartwarming social posts. It’s a time meant to honour and celebrate the women who raised us. But for many people, it’s not that simple.
Some of us don’t have warm memories of childhood. Some grew up with emotionally distant or hypercritical mothers. Others have experienced estrangement, conflict, or even abuse. And then there are those who still maintain contact with their mums, but feel a lingering sense of tension, guilt, or hurt that makes this holiday feel more like a minefield than a celebration.
So what do you do when everyone else is posting selfies with their “supermoms,” and you’re quietly nursing wounds that never really healed?
First, let’s be clear: you’re not alone. The idea that every mother-child relationship is loving and supportive is a myth that doesn’t reflect real life. Relationships — even familial ones — are complicated. People are messy. And being someone’s parent doesn’t automatically make them safe, nurturing, or even kind.
If this resonates with you, here are a few reframes to consider:
1. It’s okay to feel conflicted.
You can miss the idea of a mother without missing the person. You can be sad and angry at the same time. These feelings don’t make you ungrateful or broken — they make you human.
2. You don’t owe anyone a performance.
You’re not obligated to write a flowery caption, buy a gift, or put yourself through a painful lunch “just because it’s Mother’s Day.” Opt out if you need to. Protecting your peace is a valid choice.
3. Honour the mothering you did receive.
This might come from a grandmother, an older sibling, a friend’s parent, or even yourself. Many of us had to learn how to parent ourselves — and that deserves recognition too.
4. Create your own ritual.
Instead of focusing on what’s missing, consider doing something that grounds you: journaling, spending time in nature, cooking your favourite meal, or checking in with chosen family. You get to redefine what this day means to you.
Mother’s Day, at its core, is about recognising care, love, and nurture. If your relationship with your mum doesn’t reflect that, it’s okay to step back. Grief, anger, relief — all of these are valid. And if you ever choose to heal, confront, or reconcile, it should be on your terms, not dictated by a day on the calendar.
In the end, you get to decide how — and if — you want to show up for Mother’s Day. Just remember: silence, distance, or self-preservation doesn’t make you a bad child. It makes you someone who’s choosing to prioritise truth over tradition. And there’s power in that too.