To some, to match others is a total faux pas and an absolute no-no. They just can’t fathom how another’s relationship status could possibly be their problem. Others, however, find pairing others a norm. What so bad about setting up a blind date for a friend who’s been recently single? After all, it is in their best interest, so how bad could it be?
I myself have dabbled in minor set-ups, helping a few lonely friends whom I thought would get along. In retrospect, I didn’t really give it much thought and was pretty placid and unperturbed about the whole thing. Turns out, there’s a lot at play when attempting to hook two people up.
Just ask Violet Lim, certified matchmaker and co-owner of Lunch Actually Group – a Singaporean-based company and Asia’s first and largest premier lunch dating agency with 13 years of regional presence that fully specializes on matchmaking individuals. In spite of running a very successful business, Violet holds very personal beliefs about the art of matchmaking and believes when done, should be done in the utmost ethical manner.
In the case of Lunch Actually Group, a client would pay a certain fee, according to a chosen package and would proceed to be consulted by a professional matchmaker in order to discover what sort of traits the client is looking for in a potential partner.
All the information gathered would be recorded and kept in their database and clients would be notified once a match has been found. Lunch dates would be set by the company and all that needs to happen is for both parties to show up.
Lunch Actually has arranged more than 90,000 dates with 85% success rate. After the initial lunch date or introduction stage, Lunch Actually also follows up with feedback sessions to be used to refine their criteria, allowing better matching for next dates.
Violet shares some insightful information on how to turn the love-game on for single friends, even for those who are passionate about helping others seek their one true love.
# 1 : Ask for permission
A crucial and often ignored step. Never take coercive measures when it comes to matters of the heart! If a friend or family member you want to set up is simply not prepared or open toward the idea, just leave it. Chances are, they won’t open up and be receptive even if they agreed to meet the other party.
# 2 : You are not god
Things may not always work out between the pair you matched but don’t be too hard on yourself. The most important thing is that you match those with similar outlooks and values as like-minded individuals tend to have better chances at a long-term relationship.
# 3 : Enhance your matchmaking intuition
A good matchmaker is sensitive and perceptive. It’s not a number’s game, meaning, you can’t just throw as much as you can on the wall and hope something sticks. Intuition or hunches will develop over time and can be harnessed by getting constructive criticism from the singles involved.
# 4 : Learn what they want, know what they need
Let’s be honest – perfection only exists in fairy-tales. Help your singles attain the closest in terms of compatibility, but also understand that it’s not always about want but need.
# 5 : Give tough love
Some singles can be unrealistic or far-fetched where their expectations are concerned. It’s about knowing when to resist and pushing them into the right direction. The key is to be firm, but not rude. Your singles need to understand that unreasonable expectations such as education level, height or the length of one’s hair should not be sole determining factors in choosing a partner.
# 6 : Be understanding of underlying challenges and struggles
Most singles believe they are single because they haven’t found the one. While this could be true, try to delve deeper and understand what is really holding them back from giving love a chance. You may discover deeply rooted issues that could potentially be hindering them from taking chances such as low self-esteem, past trauma and fears. Use the opportunity to help them with those these inner struggles and take it from there.
# 7 : Above all, be non-judgmental
The holy grail of any kind of matchmaking activity is to reserve your judgments. While first impressions are often lasting, try to get to know someone before writing the person off. Just because someone is not appealing to you, doesn’t mean they won’t make a good match for one of the singles you happen to know.
Now that we’ve learnt a thing or two, go ahead and give that old cupid’s arrow a shot – you may just very well be responsible for the next big wedding in your circle!